This summer's Lesson? Don't Panic...

Push the red button? No, that's in elevators. Press \*6?  No, that's if something goes wrong on a conference call...Call Mom? Hmm. no cell phone here, as I swirl around in a "washer machine" current between 3 rocks on the upper Ocoee River... I'm about 15 seconds into my lung's air supply. And the lack of oxygen was starting to shall we say, FOCUS my mind...There was a safety "chat" they gave us before we got into the "funyaks". Let's see. What did they say again...

What EVER you do, don't let go of the oar. (Too late)
And keep your knees up to your chest.
(Figured that one out when I felt my ankle smack the rocks...)
Keep mouth closed. (Check..but hard to do when you're screaming "Holy-OhMyGod-Picnic-Basket-FrogMonger-Mother-Gyneth!")
The guide will throw you a rope. (And I'm supposed to notice that in all this commotion...a rope, sure...)

So, now I'm about 35 seconds into my air supply. And I can't help but start to laugh. Because what I was expecting was a relaxing float down the river...I was envisioning a nap, wearing a funny hat, and the smell of coppertone...

But no, Not when Rick says--Hey, let's go for a Float!  That's not what he has in mind. What he has in mind requires SAFETY GEAR.

I should have known. This river has names for the rocks and turns.  
I didn't find this map anywhere before our excursion by the way....


45 seconds in... feel something, like a tap by my ear...it's the rope. The river guide, who looks amazingly like Vin Diesel by the way, flung the rope and hit me right in the shoulder...and he pulled me out and up on the rock.  He looked a little worried. (Oh Man, the forty-something broad got dumped...now we'll have to float her down like a princess the rest of the way...) ...Should have seen the look of relief on his face--Because I was Laughing.

And Yes, I did it on every Class 3 rapid I hit. Got to be kinda funny...because Rick, Grace and Beth would first see my oar, and then my Funyak floating down stream...and they'd know, "Mom's in the washer machine again!"

Yes, Don't Panic. Just keep your knees to your chest, keep your mouth shut, and feel for the rope.

;)
LKR





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