Who's on VMs?

Who's On VMs?

Found this in my Humor folder from many years ago. A variation on Abbott & Costello's "Who's on First? " routine. Don't know who Abbott & Costello were? Check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Who%27s_on_First%3F. Hopefully the VM team won't be too insulted, it's just pretend, and the organization doesn't really work this way, really. ;\^)

Enjoy.

Engineering:     Alright, now whaddya want?

Management:   Now look, I'm in charge of the organization. I gotta know the engineers' names. Do you know the guys' names?

Engineering:     Oh sure.

Management:   So you go ahead and tell me some of their names.

Engineering:     Well, I'll introduce you to the boys. You know sometimes nowadays they give engineers peculiar names.

Management:   You mean funny names.

Engineering:     Nicknames, pet names, like Dizzy Dean -

Management:   His brother Daffy -

Engineering:     Daffy Dean -

Management:   And their cousin!

Engineering:     Who's that?

Management:   Goofy!

Engineering:     Goofy, huh? Now let's see. We have on the jobs - we have Who's on VMs, What's on compilers, I Don't Know's on testing.

Management:  That's what I wanna find out.

Engineering:     I say Who's on VMs, What's on compilers, I Don't Know's on testing -

Management:  You know the fellows' names?

Engineering:    Certainly!

Management: Well then who's on VMs?

Engineering:    Yes!

Management:  I mean the fellow's name!

Engineering:    Who!

Management:  The guy on VMs!

Engineering:    Who!

Management: The VM engineer!

Engineering:   Who!

Management: The guy doing VMs!

Engineering:   Who is on VMs!

Management: Now whaddya askin' me for?

Engineering:    I'm telling you Who is on VMs.

Management: Well, I'm asking YOU who's on VMs!

Engineering:   That's the man's name.

Management: That's who's name?

Engineering:   Yes.

Management: Well go ahead and tell me.

Engineering:   Who.

Management: The guy on VMs.

Engineering:   Who!

Management: The VM engineer.

Engineering:   Who is on VMs!

Management: Have you got a contract with the VM engineer?

Engineering:   Absolutely.

Management: Who signs the contract?

Engineering:   Well, naturally!

Management: When you pay off the VM engineer every month, who gets the money?

Engineering:   Every dollar. Why not? The man's entitled to it.

Management: Who is?

Engineering:   Yes. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.

Management: Who's wife?

Engineering:   Yes.

Management: All I'm tryin' to find out is what's the guy's name on VMs.

Engineering:   Oh, no - wait a minute, don't switch 'em around. What is on compilers.

Management: I'm not askin' you who's on compilers.

Engineering:   Who is on VMs.

Management: I don't know.

Engineering:   He's on testing - now we're not talkin' 'bout him.

Management: Now, how did I get on testing?

Engineering:    You mentioned his name!

Management:  If I mentioned the testing engineer's name, who did I say is doing testing?

Engineering:    No - Who's doing VMs.

Management: Never mind VMs - I wanna know what's the guy's name on testing.

Engineering:    No - What's on compilers.

Management: I'm not askin' you who's on compilers.

Engineering:    Who's on VMs.

Management:  I don't know.

Engineering:   He's on testing.

Management: Aaah! Would you please stay on testing and don't go off it?

Engineering:    What was it you wanted?

Management: Now who's doin' testing?

Engineering:    Now why do you insist on putting Who on testing?

Management: Why? Who am I putting over there?

Engineering:    Yes. But we don't want him there.

Management: What's the guy's name on testing?

Engineering:   What belongs on compilers.

Management: I'm not askin' you who's on compilers.

Engineering:   Who's on VMs.

Management: I don't know.

Engineering & Management: TESTING!

Management: You got a project lead?

Engineering:   Oh yes!

Management: The project lead's name?

Engineering:   Why.

Management: I don't know, I just thought I'd ask you.

Engineering: Well, I just thought I'd tell you.

Management: Alright, then tell me who's doin' project lead.

Engineering: Who is doing VM-

Management: STAY OUTTA THE VM! I wanna know what's the project lead's name.

Engineering: What's on compilers.

Management: I'm not askin' you who's on compilers.

Engineering: Who's on VMs.

Management: I don't know.

Engineering & Management: TESTING!

Management: The project lead's name?

Engineering: Why.

Management: Because!

Engineering: Oh,  she's the program coordinator.

Management: Look, you gotta doc writer on this team?

Engineering: Now wouldn't this be a fine team without a doc writer.

Management: The doc writer's name.

Engineering: Tomorrow.

Management: You don't wanna tell me today?

Engineering: I'm tellin' you now.

Management: Then go ahead.

Engineering: Tomorrow.

Management: What time?

Engineering: What time what?

Management: What time tomorrow are you going to tell me who's writing docs?

Engineering: Now listen. Who is not writing docs. Who is on VM-

Management: I'll break your arm if you say Who's on VMs. I wanna know what's the doc writer's name.

Engineering: What's on compilers.

Management: I don't know.

Engineering & Management: TESTING!

Management: You got a technical lead?

Engineering: Oh, absolutely.

Management: The technical lead's name.

Engineering: Today.

Management: Today. And Tomorrow's writing documents.

Engineering: Now you've got it.

Management: All we've got is a couple of days on the team.

Engineering: Well, I can't help that.

Management: Well, I'm a technical lead too.

Engineering: I know that.

Management: Now suppose that I'm doing technical lead stuff, Tomorrow's writing documents on my team and a major technical doc needs writing.

Engineering: Yes.

Management: Tomorrow writes the document. The users review the doc. When he reviews the doc, me being a good technical lead, I wanna have the guy at VMs engineering review it too. So I pick up the doc and give it to who?

Engineering: Now that's the first thing you've said right.

Management: I don't even know what I'm talkin' about!

Engineering: Well, that's all you have to do.

Management: Is to give the doc to VMs engineering.

Engineering: Yes.

Management: Now who's got it?

Engineering: Naturally!

Management: If I give the doc to VMs engineering, somebody's gotta fix it. Now who fixed it?

Engineering: Naturally!

Management: Who fixed it?

Engineering: Naturally.

Management: Who?

Engineering: Naturally!

Management: Naturally.

Engineering: Yes.

Management: So I pick up the doc and I give it to Naturally.

Engineering: NO, NO, NO! You give the doc to VMs engineering and Who gets it?

Management: Naturally.

Engineering: That's right. There we go.

Management: So I pick up the doc and I give it to Naturally.

Engineering: You don't!

Management: I give it to who?

Engineering: Naturally.

Management: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!

Engineering: You're not saying it that way.

Management: I said I give the doc to Naturally.

Engineering: You don't - you give the doc to Who?

Management: Naturally!

Engineering: Well, say that!

Management: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING! I give the doc to who?

Engineering: Naturally.

Management: Ask me.

Engineering: You give the doc to Who?

Management: Naturally.

Engineering: That's it.

Management: SAME AS YOU!! I give the doc to VMs engineering and who gets it?

Engineering: Naturally!

Management: Who has it?

Engineering: Naturally!

Management: HE BETTER HAVE IT! I give the doc to VMs engineering. Whoever it is grabs the doc, so the guy runs to compilers. Who picks up the doc and gives it to What, What gives it to I Don't Know, I Don't Know gives it back to Tomorrow - it's completely worthless.

Engineering: Yes.

Management: Another problem comes up - it's a long messy schedule given to Because. Why? I don't know. He's on testing and I don't give a darn!

Engineering: What was that?

Management: I said I don't give a darn!

Engineering: Oh, that's our customer rep.

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Various blogs on JDK development procedures, including building, build infrastructure, testing, and source maintenance.

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