The Verbal Regret Coefficient

I am convinced that scientists will some day find an explanation for my continual verbal ineptitude.  It will probably be identified as a sequence in our genome and they'll call it something like The Verbal Regret Coefficient.  We are all born with it, and we can't escape how it influences us everyday.  In advance of its discovery, I propose this definition: The Verbal Regret Coefficient is that innate ensemble of dispositions which guarantees that after uttering a number of words, you will regret having said a certain percentage of them. 

My first choice for a name was Regret Coefficient, but incredibly a quick search seems to indicate that the insurance industry already uses that term.   If my theory catches on -- and you'll know that when someone dedicates a wikipedia entry -- I don't want to have to deal with copyright and trademark infringement.  So Verbal Regret Coefficient it is.

The Verbal Regret Coefficient or VRC will ultimately be quantified, and like a cholesterol count, we'll all be assigned a VRC value.  Most will fall into an average range, but there will be outliers.  A high VRC manifests itself behaviorally in many ways: some high VRC'ers are purposely controversial, outspoken, brash or arrogant.  While others simply fail to think before they speak.  In case you're wondering, I am one of those outliers with a dangerously high VRC.  Furthermore, I'm quite sure I don't fit into the arrogant and controversial group.  But it's not all good news for those with a low VRC.   Although low VRC'ers tend not to say anything regrettable, they tend also not to say anything of substance either.  We call these people politicians.

If the current social trend continues, we'll get away with blaming any verbal faux pas to our VRC.  They'll be VRC support groups and celebrity VRC rehabilitation clinics.   Or maybe we could avoid all this silliness and just heed the advice of Mark Twain who once said:

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

But that is sooooo hard. 


Comments:

I call it "Open Mouth Insert Foot Syndrome" :)

Posted by BubbaG on April 08, 2008 at 12:09 PM EDT #

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