By ThinGuy on Jan 04, 2008
This one goes out to all the gym newbies that made a new years resolution to get healthy. First off, congratulations! You've made an incredibly wise choice. However, like anything else, there are both written and unwritten rules. Golds Gym does a good job with signage telling folks to put away their weights, wipe down machines, etc. There are a lot of rules that have no signs, but if you learn them it will make for a much nicer experience for both you and your fellow gym rats.
The best list of these rules I've found is here. Study them. Take them to heart.
To this list I'd like to add a few of my own.
- Closely related to the lists #'s 5 and 6. If you are a smoker (and I hope you are also trying to quit), puh-lease use Febreze or something on your workout clothes. The only thing worse than someone that smells like an ashtray getting on cardio equipment next to you are those who..(See #2)
- Blow heat. No, it's not OK to just let one slide out. Unless you just can't control it and one sneaks out on your last leg press, it's unacceptable, especially in the cardio area. I don't care if the new whey protein shakes you are eating are making your stomach go nuts. Go use the restroom or better yet go outside for a minute. Thanks. And really, what the hell did you eat. That was nasty!
- Have a workout plan. For beginners, do something like push/pull, i.e. Chest and triceps one day, back/biceps the next. Take a tour of the gym to familiarize yourself with the equipment and location. Too many people waste time and wander around aimlessly with that n00b look in their eye. They have no rhythm or rhyme to their workout, just plop down on any open machine. That's not going accomplish much. Plan it out, even carry a small notebook around with you for the first couple of months. If you are unsure about the proper form, jot down some notes after you've researched the lift. (See, I can give serious tips too)
- When taking the above mentioned tour, pay close attention to what is in fashion. Sure, it may seem shallow and it actually provides me with quite a few chuckles but those stupid "weightlifter pants" were never cool. Same goes for those cut off the shoulder flash dance sweatshirts. Sorry.
- Don't even get me started on do-rags, skull caps and worst of all bluetooth headsets while working out. Chances are you are not a pirate or an on-call neurologist, so let's just leave those at home. No need to complete the Rex Kwon Do look. Arrrr Matey?
- Closely related to my number 4 is for the fellas. Dudes, if you're not rocking sub 10% body fat, then please please please stay away from the Body Armor. Sure it looks great on the mannequin, but I've seen you and let's not kid ourselves.
- No lip syncing and by all means no air drumming. On second thought, it's pretty funny to watch. Keep it up.
- Guys, if you choose to shower at the gym, please wrap a towel around you for the journey \*to\* and \*from\* the shower. I have no desire to see your goods. Ladies, feel free to ignore this advice.