Monday Apr 01, 2013

Oracle To Acquire Ducati

source

"To handle all that speed and power, today's high-performance motorcycles need traction control, active suspension, ABS, and a multitude of electronic systems that gather an enormous amount of data. Oracle Database is uniquely positioned to process that data at the speeds today's riders require to remain competitive. And, with the Oracle Cloud, that data and those services are available from even the most remote racing circuits on the planet."

Several well placed sources inside both companies confirmed high-level discussions and high speed laps around the streets of Bologna between Oracle and Ducati executives over the last few weeks.

"Oracle is obsessed with speed. Just look at what they did with the SPARC systems last week. And Ducati? Need we say more?"

Industry pundits agree that there is a natural symbiosis between the two corporate cultures. But that's not the only reason for an acquisition of Ducati by Oracle.

"The high tech industry is highly competitive and Oracle is always looking for ways to reduce costs. By joining forces with Ducati, the combined companies can realize a significant discount on red paint."

"Imagine the parties!" a member of the Oracle Technology Network said in response to the speculation. "Oracle Open World! World Ducati Week. Both in San Francisco. It blows my mind."

"We will not turn San Francisco into another MotoGP circuit," the mayor of San Francisco assured concerned citizens while behind him executives of both companies discussed the merits of different routes around, over, and through Nob Hill.

"Lombard Street on a Desmosedici? I'm coming back!"
- Valentino Rossi

As you can imagine, at the OTN Garage, we're thrilled by the possibilities, and we'll be following this story closely.

"Oracle does not comment on potential acquisitions. This is probably some dumb April Fools prank."
- Oracle spokesperson

- Rick

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